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I’m sitting in my office at the moment with the windows open on a cool September morning. There’s something about the smell and feeling of fresh morning air. This reminded me of a recent experience that I thought I should share.
For most men, shaving is just a hassle and a fact of life. They probably don’t put much thought into the action or process. In turn, they probably don’t do a good job of taking care of their face. Last week, I ran into a little shop called the Shaving Gallery. There, a feisty New Zealander educated me on the process and quality of shaving products. I walked out the door a few bucks lighter in the wallet with all the necessities. The end result is a clean, soft face and a relaxing experience. By the way, this stuff would make a great gift for Father’s Day, Christmas or a Best Man (I don’t get anything for endorsing this, I just think it’s good stuff).
From their website: Our mission is to offer simple, affordable, high quality shaving solutions for men while educating them on the importance of using non-toxic ingredients and proper shaving techniques.
The Shaving Gallery is a vehicle for providing healthy, chemical free, skin and body care products and educational services to families in the community it serves. We have been providing our local community and the surrounding Atlanta suburbs with quality shave products like The Shaving Gallery Pre-Shave Gel, Shave Lather, After-Shave Gel, After-Shave Moisturizer, Shave Brushes and Shave Sets since 1997.
In creating this little blog, I’ve found it rather cathartic… it’s a little place where I can sort out all of the information that I have run across on the web or thought about from time to time. I can group it, tag it and categorize it. I can build a history on various subjects as they relate to sex, sexuality, things that are sensual or relaxing. This site is a collection of what I think being “Zinlightened” is all about. There is no one answer and it applies to men and women.
I have mentioned in the past that the Internet is filled with sex and sexual images, but very few sites exist that address how-to-be-sexy or how make your partner feel sexy (or really good). Goodness knows, everyone could use a tip or two. There are several things that I have learned while researching information for this blog. I have incorporated several of my finding into my life. Other findings are just musings, passing ideas or things that look or sound fun.
I hope that if some of you find these tips helpful or not, you’ll take the time to give us your feedback on your results. This is a two-way street.
~Zin
What is one food that can make a woman’s sex drive disappear?
Wedding cake.
That joke might be funny if I hadn’t heard it from so many married men that complain about the lack of sexual activity taking place in their marriage.
As much as guys might want to think that any reduction in the quantity of time between the sheets (or on the dining room table) is an evil plan concocted by their wives, often times the real answer is staring at them in the mirror.
Now I am not going to get all Cosmopolitan on you and start bashing my fellow man and placing all of the blame on you for any lack of spice in the bedroom, as your partner certainly plays a role in that as well.
But when you take a step back and look at how you have changed over the years, you might just find that there are some small changes that you can make that will have your partner crawling all over you.
The following eight tips are things that you can do right now to avoid being one of those guys that breaks out that joke about the wedding cake.
Guys, I know it is extremely tempting to constantly be giving your wife a squeeze here and a squeeze there; however, she will most likely not appreciate it as much as you would if she were the one squeezing you.
The path to romance rarely begins with a “drive-by” boob squeeze as you pass your wife in the kitchen. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy the boob squeeze as much (actually more) than the next guy but if you think it is going to lead to some hot and steamy action in the bedroom, guess again.
No, I am not referring to the type of turn-on such as how she likes it when you kiss the small of her back. What I am talking about here are the every day things that might be a turn-on for your wife or partner. Often times it is things that seem so ordinary that you might not pay attention.
If you get home before your wife, rather than plop down in front of the TV, clean up the house and vacuum the carpets. When she walks in and sees you vacuuming, she may have a hard time not jumping on you right then and there.
Sure, some of you guys are outstanding chefs and thrive when putting together a meal. However, many of us defer to our wives far too often when it comes to the cooking.
Once you are done with the cleaning (and any extra-curricular activities that might take place as a result) head into the kitchen and prepare a nice dinner. Throwing hot dogs on the grill with a side of potato chips doesn’t count either. Prepare a meal that includes a main entree along with one or two sides, maybe a nice salad beforehand. Bonus points if you plan ahead and bring home a nice bottle of wine to enjoy with dinner.
Between the demands of work schedules, driving the kids around to their activities, and taking care of things around the house, it is easy to forget that you and your wife need to spend some time alone together. Away from everyone and everything.
Plan a complete date night for you and your wife without letting her know about. Coordinate the baby sitter to take care of the kids and enjoy a night together. About an hour (you might want to make it two depending on your wife) before you need to leave, tell her to put on something nice as you have somewhere to go.
The activities that you plan for the date night aren’t nearly as important as simply making the effort to plan some special time just for the two of you.
Sometimes we get so busy in our day to day activities that we take it for granted that our loved ones know how important they are to us.
Take a few minutes out of your day, maybe before you run into your next meeting, to give her a call and let her know that you were thinking about her. Tell her that you cannot wait to see her tonight so you can kiss her beautiful lips. When you hang up, she’ll know that she was on your mind and now she will be thinking about the kiss, and maybe more.
Have you ever argued a point even when you know that you are wrong? It is silly when you think about it, as you know that you messed up, yet you continue to hold your ground and refuse to admit your wrong-doing.
This defensive behavior builds up a wall around you and casts a negative light on your actions. When you can admit when you are wrong, your wife will appreciate the fact that you are aware that you don’t know everything. You might think this is a sign of weakness on your part, she will likely think it is an extremely attractive sign of your confidence.
Not the name-calling, hair-pulling kind of teasing – that might be coming later if you’re lucky. What you want to do here is leave her wanting more.
Pull her in close and start to give her a nice, deep kiss – then stop and walk away. She’ll be left wanting more and will be looking for an opportunity to continue where you left off.
The word cuddle makes most men cringe, as they usually have one of a few things on their mind after sex: going to sleep, having something to eat, or watching SportsCenter.
Resist the temptation to indulge in one of those activities and cuddle with your wife. You will be showing her that there is nothing more important than being there with her at that moment. Check the scores in the morning over a big breakfast and you might just be given the opportunity to cuddle more and more.
Throughout all of these tips, you will hopefully have noticed that most of them are focused on adding a little romance into your relationship rather than talking specifically about sex.
As part of Darren Rowse’s Group Writing Project on Killer Titles, hopefully this post has given you something to think about and captured your attention.
After having a few kids and being married for years, it is easy to lose sight of the importance that romance has in a relationship. Give these tips a try and you will hopefully find that the path to more action in the bedroom begins with romance, not a boob squeeze!
Photo credit: shutter.chick
By Kate Spicer
Tropicana is an expensive beach club on Cala Jondal in Ibiza. The loungers have crisp cotton covers, the juices are freshly squeezed and the staff wear natty, tennis club-style whites. There are massage therapists working under the trees. A socialite tells me about the last time she visited: “My friend came over rather flushed and asked to borrow money so she could give the massage guy a bigger tip.” Because allegedly, after asking if it was okay to work on the whole of her chest, the therapist had gone on to expertly bring the lucky girl to orgasm.
There has long been a tradition of the gentleman’s “happy ending”. Back when Indian barbers were eunuchs, a chap could get a shave, a haircut and, afterwards, fellatio. In the Far East today, prostitution still takes place around “barber shops”, much as a certain breed of western “private sauna” or “massage parlour” rarely harbours highly trained Swedish masseurs. But this is not to say that the odd proper therapist doesn’t offer soothing extras, too.
A few years ago, on his honeymoon, Kevin Costner was accused of exposing himself to his masseuse at the Old Course Hotel Spa at St Andrews, and then proceeding to ensure that his “ending” was a self-induced “happy” one. Costner has always denied the allegation, but it was too late: the happy ending had gone mainstream.
For a man to be asked, “You want everything?” is not — in certain geographical locations or clearly signposted establishments — that unusual. For women, though, it has formerly existed as a disquieting crossing of personal boundaries. From posh gyms in London to misadventures in Indian spas, many women have tales of male therapists making them feel uncomfortable. Friends sometimes tell of dating their masseurs, or, in the case of one, getting off with him then and there in the treatment room. So far, so Samantha Jones.
Yet with our burgeoning love of spa culture, is it reasonable to suppose the odd naughty or, perhaps, “progressive” massage therapist might slip through the net to please a certain type of upmarket lady?
Recently, there has been chatter in the New York press about just such shenanigans in upscale Miami hotels and New York bathhouses: the female “happy ending” is out there. Grant Stoddard, the author of Working Stiff: The Misadventures of an Accidental Sexpert, tells a story that illustrates the Jackanory finish is not confined to men, and possibly on the increase. “An ex went for a regular massage. It was her first time at this establishment, and the receptionist suggested that she get her massage from George. She called me two hours later to ask me if it was okay that a Chinese guy in scrubs had brought her to orgasm six times. I was more impressed than anything. My girlfriend recommended George to several friends, most of whom went to the massage parlour. George, they were told, had been let go, and nobody hinted at ‘happy endings’ being on offer.”
I rang a New York friend to ask if she knew of any “Georges” in a town known for its demanding girls. “It’s an urban myth,” she howls. “You always hear about the guy who gives a ‘happy ending’, but when it comes to the crunch, nobody has his number. Ever.”
So I set out to find — if not experience — some “happy endings” in London myself, and posted an ad on Gumtree. In 20 answers from both genuine masseurs and dodgy chancers, I found one guy who offered “delightful Hawaiian lomilomi massage the naturist’s way”. Another came with several qualifications, including a diploma in sports and remedial massage. As I posed as a nervous potential client, he explained: “I try to make people relaxed and happy. The ending is sensual and arousing, but it is done without any form of penetration. I do know how to give an amazing orgasm without .” We talk a little about pressure points and human anatomy. I wonder how he broaches the subject of “extras”? “When you massage a person, you ask how they want it: soft, medium or firm. You then ask what parts they want massaged: if they say yes to inner thighs, buttocks and the chest, and if they want to be totally naked, you generally get an idea of what they really mean.”
Technically, with women’s erogenous zones so much less defined than men’s, the “happy ending” is a grey area. What is actually a benign, relaxing massage for most could be sensual ecstasy for the overexcitable or an excruciating invasion of personal space for the physically shy. But talking to this particular “therapist”, it is clear that his “extras” clients are not surprised by how his massages end.
One of his qualifications comes from the Manchester School of Massage, where a spokeswoman, Lucy Johnson, says: “As soon as the therapist feels uncomfortable, we [teach them] that they should stop and leave the room.” She found my insistence that one of its alumni offered “happy endings” unbelievable. Wendy Kavanagh of the General Council for Massage Therapy gave me equally short shrift. “This is a therapeutic profession to be classed alongside chiropractic or physiotherapy, and if someone is offering sexual services, they should not be allowed to practise.”
How, then, to regulate the emergence of the practitioners of tantric therapies, for whom the yoni massage is part of an ancient Indian tradition? “Yoni” is the Sanskrit word for “divine passage” — the vagina, in western parlance. I asked the receptionist at Cosmic Touch Creative Therapy whether it offered yoni massage. And yes, indeed, it did. “It is a beautiful, relaxing, full-body massage, enjoyable and healing. Many women, not just lesbians, find they enjoy the sensual touch of another woman.”
At Cosmic Touch, it is obviously important that the client is compliant. Without such demand, we wouldn’t be looking at the small but growing number of tantra practitioners in this country. “The point of our tantric treatments is to cause your sexual energy to rise. Obviously, if our goddess does something to you that you feel uncomfortable with, this will stop the flow of your sexual energy,” says Cosmic Touch.
Why are we so nervous about “happy endings”, when, as many people say, sexual arousal is a matter of being aware of pressure points, and not necessarily a grubby scrum “down there”? Since more and more women are single these days, I wonder if “happy endings” could become the empowered woman’s solution to sexual frustration — sparing them the sordid disappointment of one-night stands? Until relatively recently, hysteria in women was ascribed to either a lack of sex or no gratification from it; physicians would massage the poor patient’s genitals to induce what was medically termed “paroxysm”. Dare I suggest that massage therapists might have the same equally pragmatic approach to the human body?
Would “happy endings” become acceptable if all your friends were doing it, too? A bit like Botox and cocaine, it’s ostensibly a dodgy sort of business, but its definition as such is dictated by your peer group. On a ring round, I found even sexually adventurous friends said: “Nooo!” One told me that when she met her boyfriend, she stopped her entirely proper visits to a male masseur because she felt strange being naked in front of another man.
Even the sexually upfront and enlightened Sam Roddick of Coco de Mer is not keen: “Tantric massage is one thing — it has philosophy, methods and it’s an empowered situation. I can’t imagine other instances where either client or practitioner isn’t being exploited. So little commercial sex is ever fair-trade. I heard there is a guy practising tantric therapies in London who offers G-spot massage. Are you having a laugh?” she hoots. “I’m not paying for that — come on, he’s a bloke. We’re so hazy in our sexual boundaries. And the exploitation goes both ways. A friend told me about getting a ‘happy ending’ from a masseur in Thailand and she had the same justification as men do when they come out of a dodgy massage parlour.
“Women: there’s a lot of free sex out there. Why would you want to pay for it?”
Pandora
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