Zinlightened.com has kind of out-grown our WordPress.com hosted website and we are in the process of moving over to getzinlightened.com. New content will be posted there.

In the near future, we’ll be redirecting zinlightened.com to the new site. Please check it out and let us know what you think.

getzinlightened.com

I’m sitting in my office at the moment with the windows open on a cool September morning. There’s something about the smell and feeling of fresh morning air. This reminded me of a recent experience that I thought I should share.

For most men, shaving is just a hassle and a fact of life. They probably don’t put much thought into the action or process. In turn, they probably don’t do a good job of taking care of their face. Last week, I ran into a little shop called the Shaving Gallery. There, a feisty New Zealander educated me on the process and quality of shaving products. I walked out the door a few bucks lighter in the wallet with all the necessities. The end result is a clean, soft face and a relaxing experience. By the way, this stuff would make a great gift for Father’s Day, Christmas or a Best Man (I don’t get anything for endorsing this, I just think it’s good stuff).

From their website: Our mission is to offer simple, affordable, high quality shaving solutions for men while educating them on the importance of using non-toxic ingredients and proper shaving techniques.

The Shaving Gallery is a vehicle for providing healthy, chemical free, skin and body care products and educational services to families in the community it serves. We have been providing our local community and the surrounding Atlanta suburbs with quality shave products like The Shaving Gallery Pre-Shave Gel, Shave Lather, After-Shave Gel, After-Shave Moisturizer, Shave Brushes and Shave Sets since 1997.

In creating this little blog, I’ve found it rather cathartic… it’s a little place where I can sort out all of the information that I have run across on the web or thought about from time to time. I can group it, tag it and categorize it. I can build a history on various subjects as they relate to sex, sexuality, things that are sensual or relaxing. This site is a collection of what I think being “Zinlightened” is all about. There is no one answer and it applies to men and women.

I have mentioned in the past that the Internet is filled with sex and sexual images, but very few sites exist that address how-to-be-sexy or how make your partner feel sexy (or really good). Goodness knows, everyone could use a tip or two. There are several things that I have learned while researching information for this blog. I have incorporated several of my finding into my life. Other findings are just musings, passing ideas or things that look or sound fun.

I hope that if some of you find these tips helpful or not, you’ll take the time to give us your feedback on your results. This is a two-way street.

~Zin

massagem, originally uploaded by Ralcoh.

By Kate Spicer

Tropicana is an expensive beach club on Cala Jondal in Ibiza. The loungers have crisp cotton covers, the juices are freshly squeezed and the staff wear natty, tennis club-style whites. There are massage therapists working under the trees. A socialite tells me about the last time she visited: “My friend came over rather flushed and asked to borrow money so she could give the massage guy a bigger tip.” Because allegedly, after asking if it was okay to work on the whole of her chest, the therapist had gone on to expertly bring the lucky girl to orgasm.

There has long been a tradition of the gentleman’s “happy ending”. Back when Indian barbers were eunuchs, a chap could get a shave, a haircut and, afterwards, fellatio. In the Far East today, prostitution still takes place around “barber shops”, much as a certain breed of western “private sauna” or “massage parlour” rarely harbours highly trained Swedish masseurs. But this is not to say that the odd proper therapist doesn’t offer soothing extras, too.

A few years ago, on his honeymoon, Kevin Costner was accused of exposing himself to his masseuse at the Old Course Hotel Spa at St Andrews, and then proceeding to ensure that his “ending” was a self-induced “happy” one. Costner has always denied the allegation, but it was too late: the happy ending had gone mainstream.

For a man to be asked, “You want everything?” is not — in certain geographical locations or clearly signposted establishments — that unusual. For women, though, it has formerly existed as a disquieting crossing of personal boundaries. From posh gyms in London to misadventures in Indian spas, many women have tales of male therapists making them feel uncomfortable. Friends sometimes tell of dating their masseurs, or, in the case of one, getting off with him then and there in the treatment room. So far, so Samantha Jones.

Yet with our burgeoning love of spa culture, is it reasonable to suppose the odd naughty or, perhaps, “progressive” massage therapist might slip through the net to please a certain type of upmarket lady?

Recently, there has been chatter in the New York press about just such shenanigans in upscale Miami hotels and New York bathhouses: the female “happy ending” is out there. Grant Stoddard, the author of Working Stiff: The Misadventures of an Accidental Sexpert, tells a story that illustrates the Jackanory finish is not confined to men, and possibly on the increase. “An ex went for a regular massage. It was her first time at this establishment, and the receptionist suggested that she get her massage from George. She called me two hours later to ask me if it was okay that a Chinese guy in scrubs had brought her to orgasm six times. I was more impressed than anything. My girlfriend recommended George to several friends, most of whom went to the massage parlour. George, they were told, had been let go, and nobody hinted at ‘happy endings’ being on offer.”

I rang a New York friend to ask if she knew of any “Georges” in a town known for its demanding girls. “It’s an urban myth,” she howls. “You always hear about the guy who gives a ‘happy ending’, but when it comes to the crunch, nobody has his number. Ever.”

So I set out to find — if not experience — some “happy endings” in London myself, and posted an ad on Gumtree. In 20 answers from both genuine masseurs and dodgy chancers, I found one guy who offered “delightful Hawaiian lomilomi massage the naturist’s way”. Another came with several qualifications, including a diploma in sports and remedial massage. As I posed as a nervous potential client, he explained: “I try to make people relaxed and happy. The ending is sensual and arousing, but it is done without any form of penetration. I do know how to give an amazing orgasm without .” We talk a little about pressure points and human anatomy. I wonder how he broaches the subject of “extras”? “When you massage a person, you ask how they want it: soft, medium or firm. You then ask what parts they want massaged: if they say yes to inner thighs, buttocks and the chest, and if they want to be totally naked, you generally get an idea of what they really mean.”

Technically, with women’s erogenous zones so much less defined than men’s, the “happy ending” is a grey area. What is actually a benign, relaxing massage for most could be sensual ecstasy for the overexcitable or an excruciating invasion of personal space for the physically shy. But talking to this particular “therapist”, it is clear that his “extras” clients are not surprised by how his massages end.

One of his qualifications comes from the Manchester School of Massage, where a spokeswoman, Lucy Johnson, says: “As soon as the therapist feels uncomfortable, we [teach them] that they should stop and leave the room.” She found my insistence that one of its alumni offered “happy endings” unbelievable. Wendy Kavanagh of the General Council for Massage Therapy gave me equally short shrift. “This is a therapeutic profession to be classed alongside chiropractic or physiotherapy, and if someone is offering sexual services, they should not be allowed to practise.”

How, then, to regulate the emergence of the practitioners of tantric therapies, for whom the yoni massage is part of an ancient Indian tradition? “Yoni” is the Sanskrit word for “divine passage” — the vagina, in western parlance. I asked the receptionist at Cosmic Touch Creative Therapy whether it offered yoni massage. And yes, indeed, it did. “It is a beautiful, relaxing, full-body massage, enjoyable and healing. Many women, not just lesbians, find they enjoy the sensual touch of another woman.”

At Cosmic Touch, it is obviously important that the client is compliant. Without such demand, we wouldn’t be looking at the small but growing number of tantra practitioners in this country. “The point of our tantric treatments is to cause your sexual energy to rise. Obviously, if our goddess does something to you that you feel uncomfortable with, this will stop the flow of your sexual energy,” says Cosmic Touch.

Why are we so nervous about “happy endings”, when, as many people say, sexual arousal is a matter of being aware of pressure points, and not necessarily a grubby scrum “down there”? Since more and more women are single these days, I wonder if “happy endings” could become the empowered woman’s solution to sexual frustration — sparing them the sordid disappointment of one-night stands? Until relatively recently, hysteria in women was ascribed to either a lack of sex or no gratification from it; physicians would massage the poor patient’s genitals to induce what was medically termed “paroxysm”. Dare I suggest that massage therapists might have the same equally pragmatic approach to the human body?

Would “happy endings” become acceptable if all your friends were doing it, too? A bit like Botox and cocaine, it’s ostensibly a dodgy sort of business, but its definition as such is dictated by your peer group. On a ring round, I found even sexually adventurous friends said: “Nooo!” One told me that when she met her boyfriend, she stopped her entirely proper visits to a male masseur because she felt strange being naked in front of another man.

Even the sexually upfront and enlightened Sam Roddick of Coco de Mer is not keen: “Tantric massage is one thing — it has philosophy, methods and it’s an empowered situation. I can’t imagine other instances where either client or practitioner isn’t being exploited. So little commercial sex is ever fair-trade. I heard there is a guy practising tantric therapies in London who offers G-spot massage. Are you having a laugh?” she hoots. “I’m not paying for that — come on, he’s a bloke. We’re so hazy in our sexual boundaries. And the exploitation goes both ways. A friend told me about getting a ‘happy ending’ from a masseur in Thailand and she had the same justification as men do when they come out of a dodgy massage parlour.

“Women: there’s a lot of free sex out there. Why would you want to pay for it?”

From Ero-Guide.com

What is a paraphilia? In long form, it’s a scenario whose real or fantasized presence is psychologically necessary for sexual gratification. In short, it’s a fetish.

There are so many paraphilias in the world, the range is simply astounding. Think of it this way: if it exists, someone probably has a fetish for it. And, unbeknownst to me, the simplest and most common of erotic happinesses are considered fetishes. To my surprise, I am apparently an agoraphiliac cunnilaliast gymnophiliac acomoclictic medolalian omolagnian martymachlian voyeurist exhibitionist fisting freak. Who knew? I’ll have to add it to my resume, I guess.

It’s not uncommon for someone to have a fetish that they have to go out of their way to accommodate. But there are some fetishes out there that are so extreme, they are completely illegal and sometimes life-threatening. We’ve taken the liberty of listing all the fetishes and put them in categories listed by uniqueness and severity. Enjoy!

Aww…That’s Cute

Acomoclitic — Shaved and completely hairless genitals are a turn-on.
Agoraphilia —Gettin’ it on out in public is hot, hot, hot!
Alphmegamia —Bring on the older, seasoned men.
Altocalciphilia —High heels make this person horny.
Antholagnia —The scent of a flower brings about that special tingly feeling.
Asthenolagnia —When this person’s partner is mamby-pamby, this makes him or her quite randy. I’m also kind of a poet and like, didn’t realize it.
Cunnilalia —Just talking about female genitalia gives this person the proverbial or actual woody.
Cunnilingus —Tonguing vulva is titillating.
Doraphilia —The feeling of fur or skin is sensual and erotic.
Graophilia —Older females are hotties, and The Graduate is probably a favorite movie.
Gymnophilia —Turned on by nudity. Oh come on, who isn’t? Sheesh.
Gynonudomania —If the thought of ripping clothes off of other people fills you with lust, you are a gynonudomanian. You should probably also invest in several credit cards to replace those quickly dissipating wardrobes. Hirsutophilia —Aroused by armpit hair and, most probably, Berkeley.
Macrogenitalism —Are you aroused by large genitals? Scandalous!
Medolalia —This person could hang with a cunnilalist since this person is aroused by talking about everything phallus.
Miscegenation —When two people of different races get it on, this person wants to get it on.
Omolagnia —Aroused by nudity? Freak. (Hey, wasn’t that Gymnophilia?)
Phallophilia —This person only wants penises of unusual size, namely gargantuan.
Pubephilia —Don’t ever shave for this person, because pubic hair is where it’s at.
Tripsolagnia —A trip to the hairdresser is heaven, especially getting their hair managed or shampooed.
Tripsophilia —Sensual massage is the only kind of massage, baby.

It’s a Bit Disturbing

Chremastistophilia —This person gets off on the idea of being robbed. Say chremastistophilian three times fast, I dare you.
Coulrophilia —This person wants a clown to entertain their pants off while playing with that long, red balloon.
Electrophilia —Electricity is hot. Some say even shocking.
Eproctophilia —”Beans! Beans! The magical fruit! The more you eat, the more you…” This person is horny whenever farting is involved. An ideal date might begin at Taco Bell, or perhaps with cabbage, beans, and a Farrelly Brothers movie.
Exhibitionism —This is someone who enjoys surprising others by exposing their naughty bits. I’m thinking an omolagnian would probably get along really well with this person.
Fisting —This person is aroused by either being the receiver or giver of a hand, fist, or forearm into the rectum or vagina. This also appears to be one of the few fetishes that can be easily pronounced.
Gerontophilia —This is an attraction to the old and enfeebled. If you’re a gerontophiliac, you probably love raisins. Rent Harold and Maude.
Gynemimetophilia —The thought of someone who was born a man, but now stands corseted, made up better than Tammy Faye, in a dress and belting out “Wind Beneath my Wings,” seriously gets this person off. It just has to be female impersonator or a male to female transsexual. Rent Tootsie or The Birdcage.
Harpaxophilia —There should be a dot-com site where chremastistophilians and harpaxophilians can hook up, because harpaxophilians are turned on by burglary.
Hebephilia —Teenagers make this person randy. Rent Bring It On with Kirsten Dunst.

Hierophilia —This person gets off on sacred objects such as crosses. I would say rent The Exorcist, but if that movie gets you hot, I need to bump this definition down a category or two.
Iatronudia —Doctor, doctor! This person loves exposing him or herself to a physician. The health insurance bills must be staggering…
Kleptophilia —The only difference between this person and someone giving themselves the five-finger discount is that this person gets horny when they steal.

Lactaphilia —Mammaries full of milk don’t make just babies happy…
Maieusiophilia —Pregnant women make this person hot under the collar. This should be good news to moms-to-be asking “Do I look like a cow or what?”
Martymachlia —Aroused by having others watch during sex. Get these folks hooked up with a voyeur, pronto.
Nasophilia —This person gets mentally erect about their partner’s nose. Even though this fetish description is somewhat vague, the name is just a scream.
Nymphomania/Satyriasis —Even though these folks are aroused by the uncontrollable desire of woman/men for sex, I’m envisioning cloven-hoofed flute-players and winged horses prancing merrily in the forest.
Ochlophilia —If you get turned on by being in a crowd, you need to get a job working security at Ozzfest.
Oculophilia —It’s said that the eyes are the window to the soul. An oculophiliac thinks they are the viagra of the face.
Oculolinctus —Aroused by licking their partner’s eyeball. I don’t think I need to add anything here.
Odaxelagnia —Bite me. No, really, bite me!
Ozolagnia — “Ooooo, that smell! Can you smell that smell? Oooooooo, that smell!” Outside of bad old Lynyrd Skynyrd references, Ozolagnians are turned on by powerful scents.
Parthenophilia —These people have a desire to deflower virgins. You know, find a virgin, grab the flowers right out of their hands and trample them for the sheer joy of it. They’re just so mean.
Phygephilia —Turned on by being a fugitive. If you also fantasize about finding the one-armed man, you may be a Richardkimballiac.
Podophilia —This fairly common fetish finds folks getting hot and bothered about feet. To each his own.
Retifism —Turned on by shoes. Would this be also known as Imeldaism?
Spectrophilia —These people get aroused by either coitus with spirits or from images in mirrors. While I can see the mirrors over the bed thing happening, I’m wondering about the spirit thing. Isn’t The Enquirer still offering a bazillion dollars for proof? Why aren’t these people rich by now? Is the truth really out there?
Thesauromania —While the name makes me envision someone with an insatiable Rand McNally habit, it really means people who are turned on by collecting women’s clothing and stuff.
Thlipsosis —Ow! Oooooooo. Oh! Mmmmmmmmm. Turned on by pinching.
Transvestitism —This person has a secret bigger than Victoria’s, because they feel absolutely divine cross-dressing.
Voyeurism —They like to watch. (Sounds like a good book title to me!)

iStockphoto

From the folks over at The Frisky

The music industry is dominated by men, so it’s no wonder there’s about 10 bazillion songs all about wiener and not so many about vagina. But I found 11 amazing songs that truly spew pure poetry about patsy, yoni, punani, dew flaps, sugar basin, jam cookie, or whatever else you wanna call it.

1. “Blood races to your private spots/Let’s me know there’s a fire/You can’t fight passion when passion is hot/Temperatures rise inside my sugar walls/Let me take you somewhere you’ve never been/I could show you things you’ve never seen/I could make you never wanna fall in love again/Come spend the night inside my sugar walls.”—“Sugar Walls”, Sheena Easton

2. “Wynona loved her big brown beaver/And she stroked him all the time/She pricked her finger one day and it/Occurred to her she might have a porcupine.”—“Wynona’s Big Brown Beaver”, Primus

3. “On top, underneath, on the side of you/Better yet baby inside of you/I love the way you’re just flowin’ down/And I can feel it all around/In the front, in the back of you/Ooh I love the taste of you/Girl you know what I’m talking about/Peaches and cream/I need it cause you know that I’m a fiend/Gettin’ freaky in my Bentley limousine/It’s even better when it’s with ice cream/Know what I mean.”—“Peaches ‘N’ Cream”, 112

4. “She eyes me like a Pisces when I am weak/I’ve been locked inside your heart-shaped box for weeks/I was drawn into your magnet tar pit trap/I wish I could eat your cancer when you turn back/…Meat-eating orchids forgive no one just yet/Cut myself on angel’s hair and baby’s breath/Broken hymen of your highness I’m left black/Throw down your umbilical noose so I can/Climb right back.” – “Heart Shaped Box”, Nirvana

5. “Pink it’s my new obsession/Pink it’s not even a question/Pink on the lips of your lover/Cause pink is the love you discover/Pink as the bing on your cherry/… I want to be your lover/I wanna wrap you in rubber/As pink as the sheets that we lay on/Pink is my favorite crayon, yeah/Pink it was love at first sight/Pink when I turn out the light/Pink it’s like red but not quite/And I think everything is going to be all right/No matter what we do tonight.”—“Pink”, Aerosmith

6. “I’d like to get to know ya, so I can show ya/Put the p****y on ya, like I told ya/Gimme all your numbers so I can phone ya/Your girl acting stank than call me ova/Not on the bed, lay me on your sofa/Call before you come, I need to shave my chocha/You do or you don’t or you will or you won’t cha/Go downtown and eat it like a vulcha/See my hips and my tips don’t cha/See my ass and my lips don’t cha/Lost a few pounds in my whiffs for ya.” – “Work It”, Missy Elliot

7. “Can I touch you there/Soft as velvet eyes can see/Bring me close to ecstasy/High away to heaven/And I’m coming too/Float now coming down on me/Handed you what I cannot see/Feel the big happy, you’re exploding me/Soft as snow and warm inside.” – “Soft As Snow”, My Bloody Valentine

8. “She’s my cherry pie/Cool drink of water/Such a sweet surprise/Tastes so good make a grown man cry/Sweet cherry pie/Oh yeah/She’s my cherry pie/Put a smile on your face/Ten miles wide/Looks so good/Bring a tear to your eye/Sweet cherry pie/Yeah sweet cherry pie.”—“Cherry Pie”, Warrant

9. “I want to introduce you/Take you to the brink thing/I want to introduce you/Tell me what you think thing/I want to introduce you/Make that missing link thing/Don’t you think it’s time you met some female pink thing?”—“Pink Thing”, XTC

10. “Give it to me/Gimme that funk, that sweet, that nasty, that gushy stuff.”—“I Just Wanna Love U”, Jay-Z

11. “Sheila has a cat, she pets the cat/Puts a spell on the cat/She runs her fingers down his back/Cause Sheila has a cat, puts a spell on the cat/Looks him in the eyes, makes him reply/Sheila, Sheila, Sheila, Sheila.”—“Sheila”, Morphine

room, originally uploaded by emdot.

A romantic bed room retreat is a pleasure for the senses and key to reducing stress. See our Top-10 Bed Room Zinlightenments. Recently, HGTV.com ran a great show on creating a romantic bed room retreat. Check them out for some great tips and take the romance style quiz.

Take the bed room romance style quiz

Some of suggestions:

• Small bedrooms don’t have the luxury of a seating nook, so take advantage of footstools or chests at the foot of the bed.
• Add a mini-refrigerator for snacking on strawberries and chocolate or wine chilling, but hide it within a cabinet.
• Choose a chaise, slipper chair or simply floor pillows as your seating, and combine with a side table and fluffy rug. For extra romantic style, angle it near a fireplace or a window.
• Keep fresh flower clippings from the garden on your dresser.Doilies, though old-fashioned, reek of romance and serve as modern furniture protectors for clusters of pebbles and glittering rocks.
• Bring in fallen branches and display them au naturale, or dress them up with paint.
• A set of his and hers monogrammed robes and slippers hung just inside the master bathroom offer a good excuse to spend more time in the bubble bath — together.It’s not a monogram, but it’s definitely personal: With ribbon, hang a framed, DIY silhouette of yourself above the bed. Old-fashioned cameos are simple to make using a digital camera, a copier and black and white scrapbook paper. Etch a monogram on glass votives. When you light your candles, the glow will spread your initial to the walls. Let no texture go unseen — or unfelt — in your romantic bedroom. Choose soft fabrics like velvet and faux fur, and be sure to splurge on high thread count sheets. (How high should you go? Between 100-400.) A faux fur bolster at the foot of the bed and feathery pillows add extra comfort to this bedroom

• Cover your dated headboard with a monogrammed slipcover.

There’s Spinning Class and Zumba and then there’s something completly different.

“Moan & Groan” on the advanced anti-burst 25.6inch (65cm) Sexerciseball™. It is absolutely discreet when not in use and comes with a color coded screw cap. The Sexerciseball™  can be stored anywhere in the house or office and everyone thinks it’s just another exercise ball.

The ball combines with Sexerciseme Range of Vibrators, which have been specially designed to screw easily into the ball. All New Vibrators by Sexerciseme come with 6 speed Wireless Remote Controls, you just jump on and enjoy the ride of your life, or you can pass the remote to your partner and let them control your pleasure ride.

The Sexerciseball™ With  so many different sexual positions combinations of sex & pleasure on an exercise  ball. It is designed to help everyday women and  men with their partners improve their sex life and achieve a more enjoyable orgasmic ride. The Sexerciseball™ with attachment provides support, rhythm and ‘bounce that counts’ so get on and get off.

beach, originally uploaded by mateoutah.

Every now and then you run across things that make you wonder if the human race is in the process of reversing evolution. The omnipresent yellow warning labels affixed to just about everything, was my first indicator. And then there was this story…

Birth control pills may affect how appealing a woman finds a man’s scent — potentially steering her toward a mate who is genetically similar to her, according to British researchers.

The sense of smell is thought to be important to mate-seeking animals and humans. Genes of the major histocompatability complex (MHC) play a role in a person’s odor, and people tend to be attracted to those with an MHC makeup that is dissimilar to their own.

This could have evolutionary significance, since genetic diversity in a couple increases the chances of having healthy children.

But in the new study, researchers found that after women began using birth control pills, their smell preferences tended to shift — making them more likely to find the scent of a genetically similar man “sexy…”

By Thomas Foley

In some ways, women are a bit like Labradors: if you say the right things in an appropriate tone of voice, they’ll do what you want. Alternately, women also have the potential to be like caged lions, and if you piss them off and are dumb enough to stand around, they’ll rip your head off. For that reason, we want to highlight some of the things that women love to hear and show you how certain phrases can consistently be used to score major points. Of course, the last thing we want to do here is spew out a list of platitudes that every guy knows women never get sick of hearing. Instead, we’d like to suggest some alternative phrases and the reasons why they are so effective.

These are not pickup lines; they’re phrases meant to be used on a girl you already know. Perhaps you’ve been dating and you want to take things to the next level. Or maybe it’s even a long-term girlfriend and you’ve been going through a rough patch. You might even be a bit worried that she’s losing interest and is starting to look around for something else. Whatever the case, the following is meant to give you an idea of different ways to verbally press her buttons by saying things women love to hear.

Generally, the things women love to hear can be placed into four categories: compliments about her appearance, words confirming your commitment to a future together, verbal displays of territorialism/jealousy, and questions that demonstrate an interest in her life.

Give compliments

The comedian Chris Rock said that women need three things: food, water and compliments. So, it’s not a matter of women just wanting to hear compliments, they actually can’t live without them. If they don’t get them, they might even shrivel up and die. If you can periodically reel off a nice compliment and genuinely mean it, don’t hesitate to do so because the benefits will come back to you in spades. However, be careful not to flood the air with empty flattery, as even the most attention-starved girl will see through your seduction strategy and call you out.

Examples of things women love to hear:

• “You look incredible.” It’s simple and effective. Every girl wants to hear this, particularly when she has gone to some trouble to look nice.
• “Those jeans look great on you.” This is a polite (and obvious) way of telling her that she has a nice ass.

Show commitment

When you include her in your future plans, you’re giving her a glimpse of the security — whether she’s 19 or 36 — that she probably craves. So, say something that indicates to her that you intend to be a part of her life for a long time. Invite her to a high school reunion that’s still six months away. It’s enough to let her know that you envisage a future together, but not so bold as to suggest marriage and the rest of it.

We have more things women love to hear for you to memorize…

Examples of things women love to hear:

• “I’d love to take you to (enter place of choice) this summer.”
• “I’m not interested in anyone else.” In any relationship, questions will inevitably arise about your commitment to her, so when she asks, say something like this to counter her doubts and reassure her that you’ve found all you ever needed.

Be Jealous

Being creatures of the natural world, women expect men to be the protectors in a relationship. And when we don’t act like it, they get irritated and begin to look elsewhere. We have to show them how much we care, which means that we have to get territorial once in a while. We’re by no means suggesting violent outbursts and paranoid accusations, but rather, some gentle prodding that demonstrates that you don’t want to lose her to anyone. At the end of the day, if you don’t take an interest in your girl’s well-being, someone else will come along with an offer to do so.

Examples of things women love to hear:

• “Where were you?” You don’t have to be suspicious, just inquire about her whereabouts from time to time.
• “Who’s that guy?” Ask her this in a half-joke, half-serious tone and she will think it’s cute that you’re still evaluating the competition.

Ask questions

You can win major brownie points just by demonstrating an interest in her day-to-day affairs. Of course, this means paying attention to previous conversations and remembering key details that you can impress her with later.

Examples of things women love to hear:

• “How was your day?” Asking her something as simple as this can be an effective and engaging start. Be careful, though: even this phrase has been known to spark hour-long conversations about things that may mean very little to you.
• “How’s your brother doing? Better, I hope?” Show her your compassionate side and ask about her friends or family members whom she mentioned were ill or going through some problems. She will be impressed that you remembered and grateful for someone to speak to about it.

work on your delivery

Just as important as what you say is how you say it. If you dish up these phrases and don’t actually mean them (which is often the case), you obviously have your work cut out for you if you want her to actually believe you. Work on your style and delivery, and don’t bandy these phrases about without some serious recognition of the power they hold.

Posted by: The Frisky

1. The zoo

2. Behind a waterfall

3. Work utility closet

4. Ladies Lounge At Radio City Music Hall

5. In the woods

6. Police mobile unit

7. Kitchen (counter, floor, restaurant, against the refrigerator)

8. On your desk at work

9. Public transportation (bus, subway, taxi, water taxi, ferry, trolley)

10. On the floor

11. On a grand piano (a la Pretty Woman)

12. On a roof

13. Playground (note: not when kids are around, please!)

14. On a boat/dingy/catamaran

15. Golf course at night

16. In a room with mirrors

17. In an airplane restroom

18. On the beach

19. On a bear skin rug (bonus: in front of a roaring fire)

20. In a tent

21. In your childhood bedroom

22. In a body of water (river, lake, creek, ocean, puddle)

23. On the hood of a car

24. In a department store dressing room

25. In an elevator

26. On a staircase

27. On top of the washing machine while it’s running

28. Bar bathroom

29. In your parent’s bed

30. In a field at sunset (bonus: a corn field or on a barrel of hay)

I’m in a bit of a mood today and this fits the bill…

KY Yours + Mine

Like your fine scotch and her cosmopolitan, KY Yours + Mine ($16) work great apart and even better together. These unique lubricants come in a two-pack — one for her and one for him — and offer separate sensations for each, causing an “amazing reaction” when combined. Plus, it gives you another excuse to have sex — and that’s never a bad thing.

by Eric Mantz @ tangomag.com

The 1970s are over, but some things seem to be making a comeback: lava lamps, wallpaper, Donna Summer’s concert tour and…swingers. The fascination with “the lifestyle” (as swingers fondly call it) is seeping into suburban, upper-middle class social scenes. Over drinks and dessert, discussions once focused on home renovations and restaurant openings are giving way to talk about wife-swapping and tales of key parties down the block.

Last month, I attended an end-of-the-elementary-school-year family barbecue in my woodsy suburban neighborhood outside of Washington, D.C. Sitting with four other couples as the kids played Wii downstairs, the parents’ conversations turned from second grade teacher reputations and fourth quarter grades to the rumored “swingers” parties one community over. Those of us who had heard it before had a twinkle in their eyes. Those who hadn’t heard it were shocked then extremely curious. I swear every mom and dad’s ears perked up and hung on every word; even the most conservative-seeming mom of the bunch pepped up.

Fast forward to another dinner party one weekend later. A woman I’d just met went on and on about the new Swingtown television series. “You have to watch it. It isn’t that good, but I am totally sucked in,” she said. And the topic came up again on a recent “girls night out” sushi dinner after seeing Sex in the City. Four married, attractive, successful women/moms, we analyzed the swinger house party scenarios to death. Someone heard the people who threw the parties now had “facilitators” in there, too. What in the world for, we wondered!

Is this curiosity a throwback to the free-feeling ’70s or are thirty- and forty-something married people getting restless?

Determined to unravel the mystery, I got myself an invitation to a swingers club. For one night, I was told I would have access to the entire club and get introduced to women who could answer my overriding questions of “why do you do it?” and “how can you do it?” The mystery began to unravel at every turn, down every hallway, and in between the many stares and smiles of strangers.

The Tabu Social Club in Catonsville, Maryland is tucked behind a nondescript building and a 7-11, but once you see the blue awning with a fancy “T” you know you’re in the right place. I remember marveling at how their elaborate black iron gate gave the entryway an almost regal quality. A bit shaky as I climbed the steps of the building, I braced myself for what I might find. For all the talk and joking around I had done with friends about this subject, coming face to face with the lifestyle could be something else altogether.

My husband came with me. He was more scared than I was! I encouraged him to have a few extra margaritas at the restaurant beforehand so he would relax a bit—but that didn’t help him much. I had offered to take a girlfriend instead of him but that was quickly rebuffed with a “no way!” So there he was, reluctantly.

A huge bowl of Dum-Dum lollipops set me straight. They sat at the check-in desk, a sight so familiar to me from my sons’ pediatrician appointments and dry cleaner visits. How odd they were here, I thought. This gave me some strange level of comfort to continue on.

The outgoing owners, Vicki and Rick, looked like people I might run into at a health club or local take-out joint. They greeted me warmly and introduced me and first-time member couples to our “tour guides.” A nice, friendly couple happily approached us and calmly began the tour as if we were checking out a model home or tourist attraction. When they suggested we start downstairs, the newbies and I followed them down a well-lit but long and narrow stairway full of fear. I imagined what sights I would see at the end. Some kind of orgy? Group sex rooms in full force? Whips and chains? Some scene out of a movie?

Not quite yet. It was still early—10:45pm, and the tour began with trips to every “room.” Theme rooms, swing rooms, voyeur rooms—you name it, there they were. Red lights above each doorway indicated what was free, and you had to schedule with the hostess—no reserving too far ahead of time (I watched several groups of women trying to sweet talk the scheduler around 11 p.m. for post-midnight bookings, but to no avail).

From round beds that people outside the window could rotate by pushing a button for an optimal view to a structured system that involved staffers scheduling rooms and changing sheets, I was surprised at how smoothly things operated. (From a business perspective, I was impressed.) Our guides also joked around as we walked into each empty room, trying to put the newbies at ease. When they suggested we head to the group room, I tried to feel gusty. Sneaking up on a group of people actually having sex? Peering in, I saw all the beds were empty at this point. Later, I was told, things would heat up. Couples of all ages and races gathered on the sofas near the “observation rooms” drinking and chatting. Many greeted each other warmly, like old home week. I was told about seventy percent of club members meet up on popular swingers’ Web sites such as Club Voodoo.

Back upstairs, at first glance, the sprawling bar could have been a regular bar anywhere. The club’s policy was BYOB, and the moment you walked in the bartender smoothly took your bottles, asked your membership number, and put them on ice. When people wanted a drink, all they had to do was give their number and one instantly appeared. Nice service, I thought. But looking a little more closely, I could see signs this was no ordinary bar. One woman who looked like she could have been a parent volunteer at my son’s preschool suddenly thanked the female bartender with a passionate kiss instead of a dollar tip. A bartender took his shirt off and accepted five dollar bills down the front of his pants from virtual strangers.

I swear several nicely dressed women smiled right at me instead of at my husband. The same thing happened in the women’s bathroom (which, by the way, could have been the washroom at Nordstrom’s where moms say hello and commiserate with toddlers in tow). As I washed my hands, some women looked at me a little longer than, well, normal. I left pretty quickly.

By far, the most action occurred on the dance floor. The “blackout” was planned for midnight (glow sticks were distributed throughout the night), but I was assured security would be good and nobody would grope anyone without an ok. I would have liked to stay later to see if more action happened, but my husband was anxious to go. I should have taken a girlfriend!

Three things struck me about the club atmosphere and clientele: everyone seemed to be in a great mood (and this is before the action of the night began), lots of people seemed to know each other and everyone seemed pretty relaxed. The owners ran their club like a business, socialized like a host and hostess would anywhere, and seemed proud to preside over a club that so many people “in the lifestyle” called home on weekend nights.

As for the swinging and social scene…strange—yes. Sexual—absolutely. Sleazy? Only a few people who were so scantily dressed my head spun. Surreal? You bet.

But, on the surface, and behind the scenes, it was all very well-orchestrated as couples who’d communicated online met up or new ones greeted others. For the swingers that Saturday night, life seemed pretty good at the Tabu Social Club. People may not understand it or condone it, but perhaps they ought to respect the choice. Whether you are a woman swept up in thinking about the swingers phenomenon or curious to explore it, the big question on your mind must be this: Why do married women do it? How can they actually step into this world? Stay tuned for my next article, where five happily married women swingers speak out about the motivation, the meet-ups…and the sex!

by Genevieve @ tangomag.com

If you’ve ever felt an attraction to someone whom you’ve only heard and never actually seen, it may be because our senses are trained to pick up a potential mate’s genetic health and reproductive fitness—reflected in the symmetry of one’s body—via the sound of his/her voice.

In a recent study, published in the Journal of Nonverbal Behavior, participants listened to previously recorded voices and rated their levels of attractiveness according to nine traits, including approachability, intelligence, sexiness and warmth. The group concluded that men whose voices ranked as most approachable, intelligent, sexy and warm—and women whose voices were deemed most approachable, sexy and as most likely to get dates—were the most attractive overall.

The voices rated as most attractive were from those whose bodies were the most symmetrical. But, a sexy voice—and thereby sexy body—has nothing to do with the attractiveness of one’s face, according to one of the lead researchers.

So, this means a couple of things: those cruelly tagged “butter faces” out there must sound super sexy over the phone and James Earl Jones has one crazily symmetric body. Who knew?

What are the specific qualities of an attractive voice? When researchers used machines to try and objectively quantify the characteristics of a “sexy voice,” the results were inconclusive. Just like our sense of smell, apparently our perception of sound is just another way our sneaky genes are inherently playing matchmaker for us.

Watch the watch, originally uploaded by nicolasnova.

Posted by: Simcha @ thefrisky.com

Wham, bam, thank you, ma’am! Sometimes sex is best when its quick, because lord knows we’ve got things to do besides you. Sex can be short and sweet when you’re on-the-go, so long as you are set up for a rip roaring time. But where and how can you get a Big O swifter than a Big Mac?

• Don’t Change That Dial Accost him when the TV show he’s watching hits commercial, and challenge him to get off before the break ends.
• Call in for Delivery Afternoon delights turn lunchtime into dessert. Set up an impromptu meeting to take advantage of your man and your mid-day break.
• Backseat Driver Pull over somewhere discreet then shift him into high gear.
• Kick it in the Closet Grab him, shut the door, and hang on! The dark and private space has a bar to grab for balance and is fun for a sneaky close encounter.
• Bathroom Break Sure it’s a little George Michael, but if you’re out and about you can still get down on it. The danger will make it exciting, just be sure it’s somewhere that won’t get you arrested, like a nightclub or a wedding.